Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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