i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
