hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
