No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
