I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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