So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
