Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
