My girlfriend figured out who you are.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
whose parrot is this?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
