you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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