Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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