just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
