shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
