I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize