I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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