He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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