You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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