I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
