I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
