I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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