I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
