i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
