Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
