Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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