i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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