On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
where am i from again
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
