it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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