I hope my margaritas pass through security.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
