I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What did we do last night that was yellow?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
