I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
