Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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