You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
