i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize