I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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