just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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