What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
