am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
