you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You are the jesus of drinking
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
