I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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