We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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