things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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