By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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