I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
