What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
