I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
