So drunk its hurt
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
