All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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