it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The air taste purple.
Randomize
