You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize