I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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