I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
