That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
