My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
