You smell like a Billy Joel song
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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