I just saw a hot homeless man
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
