I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
