oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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