these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
