Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
