I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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