Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
