Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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