happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
