he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
