My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
