if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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