We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
