no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
