Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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