hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I smell stomach acid.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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