god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i already hear my dad disowning me
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
