bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
