If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
