Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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